One of the things that traditional recovery programs tend to get right is fellowship and support. Obviously the AA program is widespread and available to many people and they have established a huge network of support. If you are in or near a city then you probably have access to 12 step meetings, and the people in those meetings are almost always willing to help in any way that they can.
That said, I personally do not rely on 12 step meetings for my recovery anymore. During my first two years of recovery, I was going to regular meetings, but I was also living in long term treatment. Living in rehab was actually a bigger source of support than the meetings were, in my opinion. I was also seeing a therapist on a regular basis while living in treatment.
That was the first 20 months of my recovery. After that, however, I moved out of rehab, stopped going to meetings, and since then I have relied on a program of personal growth and positive action. My last 8+ years of recovery have not involved meetings or therapy.
If I had to do it all over again, I still believe that I would need some form of support in early recovery. There is value in the idea of fellowship. There is value in being able to identify with others in early recovery. There is value in not having to go it alone.
I do not know for sure that long term rehab and 12 step meetings are the only valid form of support. I believe there are other forms of support that you can get in early recovery. I just happen to have lived in long term rehab and so that was what was required of me.
For example, you might do well to get support from:
* A church that you are involved with.
* An informal group of people who are trying to get clean and sober with you.
* An online recovery forum where people are trying to recover.
* A group of people that you exercise with or work out with.
* A supportive friend or family member who is also in recovery.
And so on.
If you have never been in recovery before, there is huge value in the idea of identification. What is this and why is it important?
We need identification in early recovery so that we know that we are not crazy. Seriously, it is actually very important to get this reassurance.
The problem in early recovery is that the recovering addict or alcoholic will believe that they are unique. They are so wrapped up in their own drama and in their own little world that they do not believe anyone else could ever understand or possibly relate to them.
This is the main point of 12 step meetings. People tell stories and talk about their recovery process, and the newcomer can listen and start to understand that they are not crazy, they are not unique, that there are other people out there who are trying to stop drinking who have been through the same issues that they have.
This validation and identification process seems to be very important in early recovery, and you can not get this from someone unless they have “been where you are at.” That is why people in recovery can help each other so effectively…..because they can relate to each other.
And this process is going to prove to be important for most people in early recovery. So if you choose not to go the 12 step route, you probably need to find someone in recovery who can talk to you and help assure you that you are not crazy. Identification is important. Validation is important.
If you are in early recovery, then you probably need some form of support from someone who is in recovery. If you cannot find that anywhere else, I would suggest that you try 12 step meetings.
If you are dead set against 12 step programs, I would suggest that you seek help and support in an online recovery forum, and then start taking positive action in your life while abstaining entirely from drugs and alcohol.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I believe you are spot-on, as usual. My relationship with my family was worse than nil when I got sober. My Mother suffers from mental illness herself and the mix was not good. Fortunately a spot came open in a half-way house shortly after she told me she wished I would start drinking again so I would die. So yes, getting into the half-way house and AA was a breath of fresh air! I was around people who actually told me I was a human being and didn’t deserve to die and I started coming to.
I wish though that I had known that there was more available in life for a recovering alcoholic though, staying in the AA “club” soap opera circuit was great entertainment for a while; but there were a number of fears I didn’t walk through because nothing about building my self-esteem was discussed as important. I mostly stayed in constant meetings and “layed low”, keeping a job, keeping my family happy at a distance, and staying sober and out of trouble, and constantly worrying if I was a good enough AA to not get struck drunk. I did the steps as requested but hit a pateau until I finally began seeing a therapist. Years later I became ready to admit I had needed anti-depressants all along as well.
Sometimes now I wonder if my recovery could have become more fruitful earlier if there had been more options to explore 19 years ago? I don’t expect to change the past and don’t wallow in it but thinking back, while giving me ENORMOUS gratitude for sobriety, it makes me a supporter for getting information out there about as many recovery options as possible, and having more people admit there is more than one way, and all it takes is a Google search to find that other options exist, though on a much less available scale than AA. I also wish AA was more open to some people needing different, or a combination, of options (and no matter the official AA line the members are AA, and the vast majority teach that there is no other way to be “sober” without their program, maybe “dry” but not sober).
I still go to an AA meeting with a wonderful group of people, and I had it drilled into my head that I will die if I ever stop going to AA for so long that I worry about the internal back-lash if I do ever completely stop (self-fulfilling prophacy?). But I left the AA club meetings a long time ago, too much predatory activity of all kinds going unquestioned there. That’s a whole other story but a definite hazard for new people in many ways.
I am grateful for all the new things that have come into my life, each one has added greatly to my sobriety and feeling of self-worth, much more than some of the meetings I once went to obsessively.
Thanks Patrick, for confirming my own inclinations to believe that there has to be alternatives to the “one-way” approach to treatment. I’m in early recovery and currently in an outpatient program that is basically telling me 12-steps or the 3 big consequences (jail, institutions, death). I don’t have a problem with spirituality, but my experiences with AA have been negative. I don’t want to be condemned to meetings for life, nor do I want to become a zombie, preyed upon by the senior members.
I agree with this as I am living it.
Back in 08 I was busted foreclosed on seperated from family and lost most of my income. I started drug court and graduated. I was able to get into a homeless Vet shelter for rehab for six months and finished that program, and was building my income back up. Then it happen all these all these programs ended at the same time. The counseling in drug court the mindfullness classes in rehab the fellowship with people I could identify with. So there I was with noone. I was seperated from my ex and daughter all my family lives 1000 miles away and making good money while only working a few days a pay period. I had an intire apt all to my self. Its a no brainer that here I sit today unemployed and no clear direction. I am aware of what is coming if I don’t stop the using and isolation. I am not that big on formal religion but to believe in spirituality. So churches dont appeal to me that much. My best stab guess is to go to a NA meeting and see where it goes from there. This will be the first meeting where I am not required to attend. Feel free to email me with comments.
Happy New Year im tired I will bookmark this site