After living with an alcoholic for almost 5 years, I can tell you this: they can be manipulative, dishonest, and self-destructive. Women who have lived with someone like this are more or less aware that this behavior has direct implications for them. Regardless of how much they want to believe that things will turn out fine, alcohol addiction is an insidious illness that will slowly but certainly unstitch the fabric of the family. It will create a mess that is not easily fixable.
Things will only go from bad to worse
When your husband has a drinking problem, issues like lack of trust and communication will pop up, which poses a great risk of breaking down the marriage. Once he starts drinking heavily, every family endeavor comes to a halt. You can forget about making plans for the entire family to enjoy; he will either not show up or end up drinking at those occasions, ruining it for everyone.
Irrespective of how much heís earning per year, take note that itís hard to maintain a budget when the majority of the cash seemingly flies out the window, going towards feeding his addiction. Youíre worried that he is bound to get fired for going to work drunk sooner or later.
You need to protect yourself from the abuse
Working as a newspaper photographer, I have seen many lives destroyed by alcohol. However, I couldnít genuinely imagine this can actually happen to me. Every day, Steve would come home from work and have beer. But it wasnít just one bottle with dinner. Sometimes he drank one bottle after another until he passed out on the couch. I didnít think much of it at first because I knew he was stressed with work and said he needed a beer to cool off, but he gradually became angry and violent. He used to shout at me for the smallest things, call me names, and cursing at me instead of giving me a response to any of my questions. It was like he was gone and the alcohol took his place.
When this happens to you, itís time to realize you no longer work as a couple. Instead of focusing on yourself or the children, all your time and energy will be spent on his alcohol addiction and the problems it brings. And, believe me; youíll be forced to deal with much more than just marital issues. Debt, bankruptcy, and legal complications are all integral parts of living with an alcoholic.
It took years of denial and talking back before I came to the realization that protection from this abuse represents one of the most basic spiritual skills you ever learn. While some women will argue that her husband still loves her and he is going through a rough period in his life, it still doesnít validate his drinking behavior, especially towards his wife. The problem is that alcoholics rarely live in isolation. In fact, they usually bring down others with them.
Itís your duty not to let them damage your family
Many women confronted with this issue will try to clean up after their ĎSteveí in an attempt to keep up appearances with neighbors, children, and the extended family. Not only is this a wrong approach, but this behavior will let him know that youíre okay with it and enable him to continue drinking.
However, things will never get better, as they try so hard to believe. Unless he seeks professional help and follows an alcohol addiction treatment, he will destroy your life and your family. It is your responsibility to lay down the law and not allow him to abuse or hurt you anymore.