So many people relapse in early recovery that it can get to discouraging. If you happen to be sitting on the sidelines, the question that will plague you most of the time will be “WHY?”
Why do they keep relapsing? What is the true nature of their problem? What is really going on with them that they cannot seem to stay sober?
And ultimately, if someone genuinely seems to want recovery, but continues to fail time and time again, we have to ask ourselves: “What could have prevented this last relapse?”
What could they have done differently to prevent it?
Let’s take a look at some answers here.
Stop torturing yourself
First of all, stop asking why. This is not fair to you and it just creates mental chaos and obsession over the alcoholic in your life. There is a reason they preach detachment and that is because it will save you from driving yourself nuts. You cannot take responsibility for their sobriety.
You might want to go over that a few times if you are constantly plagued with these questions of “why.” You are not responsible for their sobriety. They are. They should be the ones doing research about how to stay sober, not you.
What is the key to quitting drinking? You have to be ready for it. You have to surrender completely.
Now the question is “why did they drink?” The answer is essentially “Because they were not ready to truly surrender.” They did not fully surrender to their disease. Or, if they did surrender to the fact that they are a true alcoholic, then they did not fully surrender to the solution that they were offered.
That is a critical distinction right there. Some people have stood at the turning point and honestly wanted to do something about their alcoholism, but they were not willing to embrace the solution. For some people, the solution they are being offered is worse (or scarier) than to continue with the madness of their drinking.
Regardless of the reason behind it, some people have just not fully surrendered. To do so they must accept their disease, and they must also accept a solution of some sort. In a lot of cases the solution is going to be either treatment and/or the 12 step program, because that is what is widely available to most people.
There are other programs out there but they are very hard to come by. Any program will work if a person actually follows it, but they must accept the program fully as the solution to their drinking problems. It is only after reaching this level of dedication to a solution that the alcoholic will be able to make real lasting change in their life.
Surrender = accepting a solution into your life.