What is life without alcohol like? For me it has personally been fantastic and it has just continuously got better and better over the last 8 years now since I got clean and sober. Now of course there are some people who accumulate multiple years of sobriety and they are not doing so well for some reason. Some of these people become cranky and miserable but remain sober. Some of them end up relapsing. And some of them (more than you would guess) actually kill themselves. Sober.
But of course it does not have to be that way and anyone who is living in recovery has the opportunity to lead a life of passion and purpose if they are actively engaged in trying to create it. In other words, we are responsible for the majority of our experience and if you get to 10 years sober and feel like killing yourself then it is time to do something different. I would not recommend taking a drink but you could certainly do well to ask for some help. Now depending on what your program of recovery consists of then you might have already done so and come up dry as far as new answers are concerned. If you are “stuck” in a program of recovery then the answer is real simple: you need to change it. Challenge yourself to do something different and take a risk and break out of the old mold and the old routines.
If your recovery program is not working for you then change it. Sobriety is not the only measure of success. If you want to kill yourself than your recovery program is not serving you well. Change it or change something so that you start getting different results.
Trust me when I say that there is more than one way to recover from alcoholism. Anyone who feels trapped and thinks that they have to make a certain recovery strategy work for them needs to step back and get a dose of reality. There many people out there who are recovering from alcoholism who have never even heard of a 12 step program. Seriously. There are different paths to recovery and if you find a method that works for you then that is great. If you find a method and it stops working for you then you either need to kick yourself into high gear or you need to change gears altogether and find another path to recovery. If you are not excited about living your life sober then you need to make a big change. Recovery is a joyful experience and if you are lacking joy in your life then you should start seeking.
Find another path.